For days when things seem challenging…
Sometimes, there are moments when we feel Sad. Angry. Restless. Tired. Numb.
Our usual behavioural pattern is to either distract ourselves by staying busy with social activities, work or daily responsibilities, or give a reaction to someone “undeserving” of it.
One of the reasons that we do this, is because it is simply too uncomfortable to stay present in the moment and sit with our emotions. If we keep ignoring our feelings and not pay attention to our needs, we eventually become experts at staying disconnected from ourselves. Gradually disconnection and distance from difficult but important feelings creates a sense of dis-satisfaction at work, at home, with colleagues, friends, family, partner, children.
And why?? Because you are too scared to first face the emotions and then share with people you love and trust. I speak from personal experience. 🙂
One of the most powerful practices that I have discovered in such moments, is to really truly define how I am feeling in those moments and embrace it.
And now, to visualise the steps with clarity:
Step 1: Find a safe place to be
It is extremely important to find a space to be on your own, where you feel safe and free. Some place or spot, where you can breathe easily and calmly, and be with yourself, without any distractions. A place you call: “home”. It can be outside in nature or at home or at a cafe with your headphones….do what feels right. If it is too difficult to be alone because this can happen sometimes, then don’t be alone. Call someone you love and ask them to be with you and honour the silence and space you need, together.
Step 2: Stop resisting the feelings
Resist the idea to ignore your feelings and let the feelings come in. Believe that by acknowledging them, you are taking a step towards being kind to yourself. You are paving the way to becoming stronger, courageous and are showing up whole heartedly.
Step 3: Label it as clearly as possible
I have noticed, that sometimes when I am feeling sad, and when I find the courage to reflect and understand my true emotion. Often, there is another emotion underneath my sadness.
Sometimes it is disappointment
Sometimes it is fear of failure
I am simply missing home.
Giving ourselves, the time, space and attention to check in with our feelings, helps us really understand what we truly feel and allows us to define them as clearly as possible.
Step 4: Ask YOURSELF “ what do I need”
Once I have a defined feeling in my hand, I embrace it and feel how I can best take care of myself in that present moment. Usually, I do this, by putting a hand on my heart and asking it: “my sweet heart, what is it that you need right now?”.
You can find your own way of asking yourself: “what do I need?”. It is important that you choose the way that matters to you.
By doing this, you are rebuilding the connection with yourself and learning to listen to your feelings and needs.
Step 5: Show self-compassion
For a long time in life, self-compassion was a huge challenge for me. Asking myself the magical question: “what do I need right now?”, helps me immensely with learning different ways of self-care, -love, and -acceptance. It gives me the confidence that no matter what emotion it is, I can accept it, go through it and eventually be on the other side.
So once you know what is it that you need. Listen to your intuition and honour what your heart and body tells you. Maybe, what it needs is your love, attention and affection. Learning to give this, helps you to get over the fear of facing “difficult” emotions and allows you to become stronger, courageous and live your life whole heartedly.
Step 6: Practice with all…tiny, small and big challenges
Step 7: Reach out for love, affection and support
And if you need support to build this beautiful practice, reach out to the people you love and trust and ofcourse, me. I am here to help you stay connected with yourself.